de Paul Warren

Archive for the ‘Perspicacious, circumspective and sagacious’ Category

My father has always been annoyed when I used the word “can’t,” or rather, the contraction. I guess he saw that as a sign I was giving up. I don’t quite remember as at that moment, I would usually tune out and roll my eyes. I was very negative then.

Much has changed since those times and I have picked up a much more positive attitude. It’s been so long that I’ve been like this now that only during times of true, painful stress will my negative side come out. But I’ve begun to notice that the phrase “I can’t” is once again entering my vocabulary. It seems in a different way this time.

As a Christian, I notice my failings a lot and it’s always when I try and truck it alone. But it’s not always my personal walk that I notice this. Since January of 2007, I have worked on a game called iKonquest. It’s gone through many stages but it has not caught on to the public. Reason being was for, in my view, my greatest failing. I don’t sell. I can’t sell. I won’t sell. This also includes marketing.

As the project itself has begun to grow, my eyes were opened to see that I could no longer do this as a one man show. Even if I were to finish the code. Nobody would play it, primarily because they won’t know it exists. Now that I have a few volunteers on board, things will get exciting. This will definitely be a great learning experience. One that I’m now ready to take on.

While “I can’t do this” is somewhat accurate, a more appropriate phrase would be: “I can’t do this alone.”

It’s hard to stay calm as time goes by. Seeing random shootings with no intent other than to hurt others. Violent pranks such as drive-by paintballing. Super companies raising prices just because they can. Vandalism for the sake of boredom. Criminals suing their victims and winning… This world sucks and it’s not going to get better. The only thing that has changed over the past thousands of years is that we have become much more “civilized” in how we act uncivilized.

In an age where having super powers or just being a regular vigilante is popular, I must remain at peace. It’s one of the hardest things to do: to be a victim of injustice and turn the cheek. It’s a simple lesson but one that can’t be ignored. Once I start daydreaming about being a superhero of any kind, even for just the “I’d be cool if I could…” kind, hatred will now have an opening to get in. Who thinks of super powers like: spontaneous kitten / puppy creation, shooting laughing gas out of your eyes, or any of the carebear’s powers? It’s all super strength, super speed, and sharks with lasers on top. And when was the last time you ever daydreamed about dealing justice but you nicely captured the bad guys without hurting a single one?

And without going to the weird super powers, I could simply just be that little bit stronger than the perpetrator. Deal him my own brand of four fingered justice. Being that extra bit faster when they show a weapon. Or possibly the nonviolent method of spinning your own scheme to get them caught in their own plans. Foiling a plot… but really.

It’s not that you can’t do the above and you should just sit and take it. I’ll be one to admit that in tough situations, I’d probably freeze up. But that’s not the point. You see…

It all comes back to Hatred.

And the more you focus on it, the more you become like it.